I’ve spent years preparing for exams. I am a 8 days away from what might well be my last exam ever. This is exciting but also bringing about a ridiculous event.
I have finally realised that I actually can’t work like this all the time.
For years I have felt bad when I haven’t always been working like this. Like I had missed out on so much time spent drinking from the firehose of knowledge.
I was always able to rationalise and find a way to be kinder to myself but ultimately I was subconciously or at least quietly chastising myself for not doing more all the time.
Anyway, theres a new truth in town:
Turns out you can’t do more all the time. You can only do more for a fixed time period.
And then you stop doing more and you move into a different time in your life where you do less, or at least a different more, some other place.
Right now, space is at a premium in my brain. Knowledge nuggets are one in, one out. I can feel things being pushed out of my brain as I try to learn something else.
So i’m gonna stop doing this more soon. And hopefully it will lead to permission to finish my Intensive Care training in August 2022 and become a permanent big boy. But either way, I think I will be kinder to my future self, when the next more comes along.